My adventure made me realize what I had in my spouse and in my marriage

There is a perception from people who have never had to deal with marital infidelity that people who cheat or have affairs aren’t really that pitiful (except when they’ve been caught) and don’t really learn the moral lesson that they should. learn.

Although I used to have many similar preconceptions towards people who had cheated, I have found that my opinions on this were not completely accurate.

From the correspondence I receive, I have come to believe that many people feel deeply and desperately for his deception or his adventure. And many of them come to understand very deep truths about themselves or about their marriages. Unfortunately, many come to deeply value their marriages only when they realize they have been put at risk. This is the great irony and anguish of the whole thing.

For example, you might hear a wife say, “I am so ashamed and sad to admit this, but I never appreciated my husband as much as I should have. He grew up on the same street as me. I have known him.” all my life. For a long time, I saw him as the guy with the freckles who was a great pitcher when we played baseball. I didn’t give him a second look. And we were friends for many years before anything else. the romantic happened between us. Even as my friend, I could always count on him. When he became my boyfriend and later my husband, he was always stable, trustworthy and understanding. I was never disappointed. But at the time, I was very stupid. I confused his assertiveness with being boring. I got tired of it being “too nice.” So I started flirting with this man at work. I told myself that this flirtation was harmless and only gave me an outlet to make my marriage a little happier. This may have worked, except the other man wasn’t happy. to accept a harmless flirtation. He wanted more. And when I didn’t automatically give him more, he started chasing me. I resisted at first, but eventually, I gave in because I couldn’t resist. I told myself the matter would be very short and then I would interrupt it. But the other man became so needy that every time I tried to break it, he did something to make me stay. In the middle of this, my mother fell ill and I had to be hospitalized. My job doesn’t offer much flexibility. So he couldn’t be in the hospital as much as he wanted. But my husband could be. And it was. The other man came to the hospital when my husband was there and that is how my husband found out about the matter. Even after my husband knew everything, I went to the hospital to be with my mom saying: ‘my respect and love for your mom has not changed. I have known her my whole life and I will not abandon her for something other than her fault. That’s when I realized how stupid I am. My husband is the highest quality person I have ever met. I had the best husband in the world and I have potentially ruined him. A couple of times, I plucked up the courage and asked my husband if he would leave me and all he will tell me is that we have too much at stake right now to make decisions. However, he is still respectful to me. I’m so mad at myself and so sad to potentially lose the best thing that ever happened to me. How could I have been so stupid? What can I do now? “

His situation perfectly demonstrates the great irony that many of us have experienced. Many of us don’t really know what we have until it runs out or we are at great risk of losing it.

You cannot change what happened. You have to take responsibility and then make it your main goal in life to get it right again. You are lucky that your husband is still around and committed to not making sudden decisions. (Many spouses leave pretty quickly.) This may give you an advantage, but it is very important that you do not take advantage of your husband in any way.

Now you realize what a wonderful person and gift he is, so treat him exactly like that. There is nothing wrong with sharing your knowledge with him, but understand that he may doubt what you are saying. I was the faithful wife in my own marriage and when my husband said things like, “I took you for granted. Now I realize that you are the best thing that ever happened to me,” I scoffed at him. I heard her words, but all I could think of were things like, “well, you weren’t thinking about how cool it was when you slept with someone else.”

If you really want your spouse back, you need to be patient and understanding when you are struggling or feeling angry. Honestly, you have to promise that you will hang on, even when they are cold or even insulting. You must realize that it is worth the wait.

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