Stay away from my stuff: Is there privacy within relationships?

Me: My first instinct is to say “stay out of my stuff”, but I am in conflict with the issue because, as a person, I too have a natural curiosity for my partner. However, time and experience have taught me to moderate both sides of my emotions. Yes; stay away from my things, but feel free to ask me questions. I have decided that I will not search the belongings of my partners; Instead, I have chosen to ask questions. Give the other person a blank page: lie or answer honestly. You cannot prevent me from doing what I have decided to do, nor can I prevent you from doing the same. I think my only hope for creating a healthy and happy relationship is to put some trust in her. The issue of trust, as a basic need for a happy relationship, is bigger than Michael Jackson’s Thriller album.

Trust is built into the concept of respect; respect for your privacy as an individual and the courtesy to reciprocate that same respect, no less. Disclaimers are not allowed. It is in our basic instinct to distrust the unknown and fed with curiosity and natural curiosity, we are damned doomed to fail to abide by this rule. The fact is, if you’re that curious, you and your partner may need to come up with a set of rules to suit both of you with custom parameters to suit your particular circumstances. Some people are harmlessly curious rather than irrepressible snoopers – they can’t stay out of anyone’s business. You can never surprise this one; he or she never gives you a chance.

Here’s the thing; Without trust in a relationship you have nothing, without the right person to trust you have nothing. How many ways can I say it? without trust you have nothing. If you can’t trust, you can’t have a successful relationship.

When you are left alone in your partner’s private area with their personal effects, is it your first search instinct? observed? or do you take notes to ask questions about what you see or perceive? Or to hell with that: “I need to know”

In this age of smart devices and multiple passwords to crack, a true snooper is drawn to a cell phone like a mouse in cheese. Imagine the insurmountable urge to break in and discover all those unspeakable juicy?

Can your partner leave you alone in their car without you going through the glove compartment and center console looking for clues? Clues to what? What are you looking for? I think there are people who deliberately seek PAIN and WOUND. In other words, they won’t be satisfied until they find something that stabs them in the heart or crushes their fragile ego. This is the conspiracy theorist; there has to be something to find; something that will catapult them into the pain zone so that they can burst and burst like a dam, overflowing their anxious tear ducts and flooding an insecure heart with pain. Very sad.

I’m going to say it out loud; “I have a problem with people checking my things without my permission.”

Raise your hand if you don’t.

Liar!

We all do.

We are designed to receive love, respect, and affection, but the true test of who we are in our relationship is how much we can reciprocate the affections we need for ourselves. Putting someone else’s needs for love and respect above or above those of a bear is a great challenge; people are not built like that. That skill set comes only with experience and maturity.

Maturity plays an important role in our ability to allow the other person the divine uniqueness that God has given him from his own mind. We were created with the ability to keep our thoughts private and the luxury of choosing to share them or not; That is a fact. And until we are able to respect the God-given rights to this privacy, as much as we respect our own, we will always have a problem with our relationships, intimate or otherwise.

Maturity comes through experience or exposure, unfortunately many of us have not been sufficiently exposed to environments that encourage the maturation of our strongest and most troublesome emotions. I believe that only failure can adequately teach us the importance of observing certain basic laws of a happy and interdependent coexistence. So go ahead, follow your instincts; seek, violate, fail; learn.

Ultimately, it remains our responsibility to examine the importance of our own need for privacy and learn to allow the other person the same respect. Build confidence, practice abstinence; live, trust and prosper.

However, I’m sure your nosy-posey will ignore my advice, so happy hunting.

Health.

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