Headlines have recently reported on the tragic consequences of bullying. While this is not a new behavior, it is increasing due to the sense of anonymity bullies have when they use electronic devices to bully. Let’s clarify a definition of bullying. Any of these three main conditions is present in a bullying situation: harm, unfair matching (either in age / size or in numbers, that is, 3 children against one) and repetition. Examples of bullying include:

• Hurt someone physically
• Stealing or damaging someone else’s things.
• Ally with someone
• Joke in a hurtful way
• Using put-downs, such as insulting someone’s race, weight, intelligence, appearance, or making fun of someone for being a boy or a girl
• Touching or showing private parts of the body.
• Spreading rumors about someone
• Texting rumors or lies
• Posting rumors or lies on social media websites.
• Excluding someone on purpose or trying to get other children to exclude someone

Our schools spend considerable time introducing a bullying-proof curriculum, seriously addressing situations as they come to the attention of staff and the consequences of bullying. It is important that all adults have a similar message about bullying behavior.

So what can you do as a parent? First, it is important to understand that even good children and adolescents are capable of bullying. It is not about saying “teenagers will be teenagers” when they are doing serious harm to another person. We have seen the consequences of bullying. Harassment is also harmful to the bully! A landmark study showed that 60% of children who were bullies in grades 6-9 were convicted of at least one crime as adults and nearly 40% of them had three or more convictions at age 24!

Here are some things you can do to reduce the chances of your teen becoming a bully:

• Talk to your teens about empathy and be a living example of empathetic behavior. If your teen makes cruel comments, use it as a teaching moment.
• Arrange for your teen to volunteer and do community service as a way to build his empathic “muscles.” They can volunteer at: food banks, animal association, local hospitals, reading to residents in nursing homes or assisted living, Special Olympics, etc.
• If you give your teen a cell phone, DO NOT enable texting and if it still exists, get a phone without a camera. (The camera is an entirely different problem. Students are sexing, which is considered a fourth degree felony and distribution of child pornography.) Monitor your Facebook and My Space accounts.
• Believe and support school staff if they say your teen is bullying and follow some of the steps listed above.
• Pay attention to your parenting style. “Child aggression has been linked to authoritarian discipline, an approach that attempts to control children through fear and the threat of severe punishment (Espelage et al 2000). Bullies are more likely to have experienced or witnessed child abuse domestic violence (Bladry et al. 2003; Bauer et al 2006) Bullies are more likely to have parents who believe that aggression is an acceptable way to solve problems. “

Copyright 2010, Iris Fanning, [http://www.irisfanning.com]. All rights reserved throughout the world. Reprint Rights: You may reprint this article as long as you leave all links active, do not edit the article in any way, and credit the author’s name.