Lonely
My wife died on Tuesday March 12, 2013 at 9:30 pm
I miss her
He had a glioblastoma brain tumor.
Which is as bad as it sounds.
She was diagnosed on January 11, 2013.
It didn’t take long.
She was a nurse.
There was no way to fool her.
She knew the sheet music.
What will we do Maria?
“I don’t want to die.”
“Honey, you’re not going to die,
Let’s do the Chemo.. the Radiation..
Maybe a miracle…
“OKAY”.
There is no such luck.
Chemo, radiation every day for 2 weeks..
She gets weaker and weaker..
Finally, pneumonia, blindness, coma.
I sit in the hospital.
hours at a time.
like there
Sometimes its hospital food.
She does not eat.
I fall asleep and wake up.
Nothing new.
The people at the hospital are very good to us.
Patient, kind and empathetic.
the doctor looks at me
With empty eyes.
I pray, I read
I take her hand and tell her I love her.
I think of the mournful song,
“Maybe I should have hugged you
Through the lonely, lonely nights
maybe i should have told you
I’m so happy that you’re mine.
The little things I could have said and done
but never take the time
But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind.”
Oh! I would like that
For a little longer.
Now comes the morphine.
Oxygen and difficult breathing.
Farewell.
I miss her
“She is in a better place.”
I tell myself.
But I miss her.
I pray for faith.
I’m busy with the later details.
cremation
The words of loved ones.
trying to comfort me
taking out the urn, the flowers,
the internment
The empty feeling leaving her
in the cemetery
Life goes on
But dear God
I miss her
The death of a loved one is, unfortunately, something that we all must experience.
In my work as a therapist, I advise people not to grieve at the funeral. No more than one race ends at the finish line. But I’ve come to realize that it’s oh so personal!
Why do bad things happen to good people? I have pondered this mystery many times.
Saint Paul says…
“Life is like a tapestry. While we live, all we see is the back, which is just a confusing accumulation of threads and knots. When our life ends, the tapestry turns and we see the real picture.” Then we got to know why.”
There is a reason for all things. We must know the pain of loss; because if we never knew, we would have no compassion for others. We would become monsters of self-esteem and self-interest. The pain of loss teaches humility and has the power to soften our hearts, to make a better person out of a good one.”
But, my God… Oh! How I miss her!
