Father’s Day, that annual tribute to dad, is full of confusion. Many children do nothing more than pay lip service through phone calls or business cards.

Because 70% of American prisoners grew up without a father and because poets use few words to get to the heart of things, they encourage brief handwritten communication with all parents, whether or not they live with you. whether they live or not. . Thus, three poets from San Luis Obispo, California, added Write to Your Father Day to the U.S. national holiday calendar.

“Okay,” you might ask, “What do I write to my dad? ‘I love you’ would be a lie and the truth would just hurt him.”

One of the poets replies “Just write and ask your father what he does or did that is

1. more pleasant,

2. Scarier,

3. The most exciting and

4. More satisfying.

Don’t wait for an answer. If you don’t know where it is, write its answer as you imagine it. Repeat the question each year, adding it briefly whenever you like.

There will be results. Risk them.”

HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR FATHER?

Take the following survey to see where you are on the scale. “How well do you know your father on a scale of one to ten, with one being ‘Who?’ and ten for ‘very well’?”

Who?1___2___3___4___5___6___7___8___9___10 Very good

In a survey of 100 random adults,

11 thing 10, 7 thing 9, 15 thing 8, 12 thing 7, 3 thing 6, 3 thing 5, 17 thing 4, 9 thing 3, 13 thing 2, 10 thing 1

The younger the respondent, the more likely they are to ask, “Which father?”

One comment, typical of many, came via email. An adult son wrote: “Both my biological father and stepfather left this earth. And I never knew either of them. They were troubled men all their lives and suffered from John Wayne syndrome.”

Other: “What an interesting question. I didn’t know my father or father-in-law despite the years with them.”

National Write Your Father Day, a week before Father’s Day, encourages an end to silent suffering, John Wayne syndromes, bitterness and loneliness.

Writing letters to parents, whether or not they are alive, whether or not there is a known address, changes the writer for the better. And letters delivered change parents.

Here’s one that came via email. This writer did not ask his father the suggested questions. Because he was one of the few who had number ten on the scale, he felt that he knew the answers. However, he feels what happened when he wrote to his long-dead father:

“Dear Dad,

How’s the weather down there? I know it must be very hot this time of year. Someone asked me how well I know my father. I know you well enough to know that if they have an air conditioning concession there, then you have all the distribution rights and now you’ve probably cornered the ice cream market too.

And that’s good, Dad; I know you had a great time on earth, especially during the time that you and I were alive simultaneously. I know it wasn’t easy being the blind black sheep of a family of Mississippi plantation owners. I guess if anything confused me growing up, it was how you could have two opposing views on things like skin color.

I must tell you that I have done most of the things you tried to teach me not to do, most of which you were doing too, but would never admit it, being the hypocrite of a hypocrite in a land of hypocritical champions. That’s one of the few things you told me not to do that I’ve had relative success at.

I’m sorry it took so long to write. If the poets had thought of their “Write to your father” holiday earlier, I would have written to you sooner.

I hope you’re okay down there. I know it’s probably too hot for you to throw those tantrums you used to throw when I was displaying my extreme absentmindedness. I have not improved anything by the way. Remember how you used to call me all those names wrapped up in epithets when I forgot something?

Well, I’ll tell you something, dad. If you can forgive my distraction, I will forgive your tantrums. Let’s call it even. I love you as much as you loved me, dad, and you know that’s more than zero.

I wish you a hell of a time, your son”

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When a son knows that his father’s love is more than zero, he knows something truly significant no matter how late he discovers it. When we all recognize the role of our parents in our subconscious thoughts about ourselves, we gain greater control of our lives.

Help spread the word: Write to Your Father Day is one week before Father’s Day. In 2006 it will be June 11.

The more you know your father, the better you know yourself.