I often hear from wives who feel very strongly that their husband’s depression is the reason for at least some of the serious problems in their marriage. Often these wives tell me that their husbands have projected their depression onto the marriage and have told or implied to the wives that they no longer love them and that they are considering breaking up, separating, or divorcing. This is extremely frustrating for wives who find it so obvious that her depression is clouding many of his perceptions about all areas of her life, including her marriage and how he feels about them.

Unfortunately, often when wives try to talk to their husbands about this, the husband is not entirely receptive to what she has to say. They often respond with things like “it’s you and the marriage that gets me down. My state of mind isn’t the reason our marriage is in trouble, but the state of our marriage certainly gets me down more.”

This can be a very unfortunate situation. Wives often know they are right about this, but the more they insist, the more the husband withdraws and withdraws. Unfortunately, being right doesn’t do much good if he’s not going to see things your way. And, pushing your own perceptions on him when he disagrees will probably only make the situation worse. He may eventually come to see you as something very undesirable that he wants to escape as a matter of self-preservation. So, in the next article, I’ll discuss what I’ve seen to be the most effective way to deal with a depressed husband whose state of mind is contributing to him telling you that he doesn’t love you anymore.

Depressed people may think they don’t love anything or anyone (and this includes themselves 🙂 Many wives know this intuitively, but I feel the need to mention it because validation can be such a reassuring thing. Depression can greatly cloud your entire view of the world and can contribute to seeing reality in a very distorted and one-sided way.

Everything looks gloomy. Each seems to be detrimental for you to be alone with your misery. And there are times when you feel nothing, much less love. These things do not mean that your husband no longer loves you. It simply means that his depression prevents her from feeling much of anything and this clouds her worldview and perceptions of him.

Depressed people may resist seeing reality if it makes them change too abruptly. Always respond with this in mind: You and I know that your husband’s state of mind could very well be clouding his judgments and perceptions. And it’s so tempting to remind him of this repeatedly. However, what you need to understand is that he is unlikely to agree with what you say. People who are depressed build walls around themselves that can be difficult to break down, especially if you ask them to give up or take a deep look at their beliefs.

It may be more effective to carry on as if your beliefs are your reality. This can be frustrating, but it prevents you from wasting time and driving him further away by arguing with him even when he’s not going to change his mind. As difficult as it can be, it’s usually more effective to accept that this is what you believe right now and go from there.

Approaching your state of mind from a place of love rather than judgment: People with depression can be very defensive. There’s a sense of shame about this, so you’ll usually get better results if you approach him as someone who hurts because he hurts (rather than someone who hurts because you don’t love him). Tell him that it’s obvious that he’s struggling and that you want to be his safe place to fall instead of someone who’s making things worse.

Don’t dwell on his claims that he doesn’t love you. This may well change as your mental state improves. Instead, focus on trying to help him get to a better place. Sometimes this may mean professional help. Other times, time, support, and loving patience can bring some improvements. Often when her husband sees that she is not going to argue with him but wants to help him, the atmosphere around this topic will start to change and allow him to start gaining some ground.

Deciding when to tackle martial problems when you know that depression is the predominant problem: People often ask me if they should address marital and relationship problems at the same time they address depression. This really depends on how you say both situations are and a counselor is much better equipped to answer this than I am. But I can tell you that often one thing will affect the other. Often, if you can improve one of these issues, the other will fit in much more easily. But it should not be alluded to that one thing depends on the other. Always try to approach this from a place of love and support.

Unfortunately, you cannot force your husband to seek or receive help. But, you can control yourself and your own actions. You can make it clear to your husband that you will support him and be his safe place to fall during this process. And you can get what you need to help and support yourself. If you resist counseling, nothing says you can’t go it alone or educate yourself as well.

Often, if you can make a few small changes and show him that you’re making an effort, he may start to accept you and be a little more accepting, especially when he sees that you’re not forcing him to make painful changes or compromises. itself.

Having a depressed husband who says he doesn’t love you can be devastating. But, you have to realize that what you’re hearing is often her state of mind speaking rather than her true feelings. If you can approach him from a loving place and gently get some help to help both of you, then you can often see some improvement in both the depression and the way he says he feels about you.