The other day, I heard about a wife who had caught her husband having an affair. The signs were there and she couldn’t help but follow them, and she found what she had feared. She confronted her husband, but instead of getting the remorseful response she was hoping for, her husband became incensed at her. She expected him to beg her forgiveness and ask her to work to save her marriage. Instead, he was furious that she had been spying on him. And he seemed incredibly resentful of her wife’s need for answers.

The wife said, in part, “He acts like I’m the one who did something wrong. I should be the one mad at him, not the other way around. What the hell is wrong with him?” I will talk more about this topic in the next article.

Sometimes a husband’s embarrassment and embarrassment contribute to his resentment after their affair: Please don’t think I’m going to make excuses for cheating husbands. It is not my intention to do so. But I find that sometimes, men act resentful or outraged when they get caught in this situation because they are trying to minimize the consequences. Who are not sure what to do and think that if they beat you to anger and outrage, maybe this will diminish or shorten your response.

That’s not to say that it’s justified in this answer because it isn’t. But sometimes that’s how you’ll react even if you’re not even fully aware of what you’re doing.

Sometimes men get angry or resentful when they are caught having an affair because now they have to deal with what they have been trying to avoid: Another possibility in this scenario is that when a man is caught, he suddenly has to deal with everything he’s been putting off right away. In other words, you may have found yourself in a personal crisis and having the affair was your ill-advised way of getting through it. In a sense, an affair is a way to avoid dealing with things.

But, being found out will often force his hand, so to speak. And suddenly you’re going to have to do a lot of the soul-searching and personal work that you’ve been avoiding in the first place. This makes them feel uncomfortable and frustrated. And sometimes they’ll direct this to whomever it’s convenient, which is the person in front of them with all the questions they don’t want to answer (and that’s usually you).

This does not excuse his behavior. But understanding it can sometimes give you an idea of ​​how to handle it better.

Some tips for handling it when your husband is angry or resentful when he is the one who cheated on you: Although these reasons may give you a better understanding of the behavior you are seeing, they do not make it correct. It’s not fair to be treated as if you were the one who did something wrong, although he will often try to make you feel that way. Some men will even hint that if their wives had acted differently towards them, they wouldn’t have pursued an affair in the first place.

This is unacceptable and usually gets them nowhere. In my opinion, sometimes you have to address this directly, although sometimes you have to be careful with the tone. If you become similarly resentful or accusatory, you will often only add fuel to the fire. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make your feelings and frustrations known.

There’s nothing wrong with saying something to the effect of, “You’re acting like I’m at fault or doing something to deserve your anger or resentment. Treating me like this is unacceptable and is only making a bad situation worse.” We are not getting anywhere by accusing each other or getting angry. I’m receptive to discussing this, but not when either of us or we are hurtful.”

Sometimes this kind of openness is necessary, and sometimes distance and a pause in the situation, as well as calling him out on his behavior, can help. Because sometimes, he is being reactive in the same way that you are and it takes him some time to gain the necessary perspective for the remorse to come.