I sometimes hear of wives trying to gauge their husband’s behavior after he left as an indication of whether their marriage has any chance. Some husbands actually seem very happy after leaving. Some become very distant or reserved. And others have no problem admitting that they are quite confused. I heard from one wife who said, “When our marriage started to have problems, it deteriorated very quickly. We started fighting all the time. My husband got fed up and left me. wanted to do moving forward. I miss him so much. He called me the other day and admitted he’s ‘confused right now.’ I’m not sure what this means for my marriage. Is it a good sign that he’s confused? being confused is better than being sure you’re going to get a divorce, am I right?
Your confusion may be a good sign. However, it may just be a delay. Sometimes it depends on how you handle things during the breakup, which I’ll talk about next.
Why a husband who left but is now confused can be a positive sign: The wife was right in assuming that his confusion might be a good sign. After all, her indecision is certainly better than confidently going ahead with the divorce, as there is no doubt in her mind. And this happens in some cases. Some husbands actually find relief after leaving and find that their lives are happier as singles. Therefore, they have no conflict when they go ahead and seek a divorce.
But a man who is confused very often has mixed feelings about his marriage. On the one hand, he knows that things haven’t been going so well and that change is desperately needed. But on the other hand, he often still has feelings for his wife or loyalty to his marriage. So this can leave you feeling unsure of what should happen next. This also shows that he is reluctant to rush the process because he wants to make sure that he is making the right decision, which can certainly be a positive sign.
Why your behaviors and actions are so important right now: Many wives get quite frustrated when their husbands start claiming that he is confused. It’s very tempting to say something like, “well, what’s there to be confused about?” Or “well, you weren’t that confused when you decided to walk away from your duties,” but try to resist these kinds of negative reactions. If your responses or behaviors make your husband feel pressured, embarrassed, or embarrassed, then he can decide to stop being indecisive and go ahead and seek a divorce. Or, he may think very negatively of you and as a result he may start to withdraw or limit his contact with you. All of these things will make it less likely that he will have a good outcome or be able to save your marriage.
How to respond when your husband says he is confused after leaving: Above all, try to be calm. When you want to save your marriage, the words you want to hear are that he loves you without a doubt. So when he instead says that he is confused, this can be a real disappointment or disappointment. But instead of focusing on why you’re disappointed, he tries to focus on why you should be relieved. He is not telling you that he is serious about another person or that he is filing for divorce. He is just telling you that he is a bit confused and probably needs more time.
In my opinion and experience, often the best thing to do is set it up so that it actually wants to be in constant contact with you. So you might want to say something like, “I hear what you’re saying. I’m confused, too. But nothing says we can’t take it slow and decide things gradually. Let’s take things one day at a time and be patient. Can we touch base tomorrow?
Do you see the intent here? You’re setting it up so you’re in regular contact. This helps ensure that your confusion does not cause you to back off or isolate yourself. And you’re showing him that you’re not going to push him with anger or impatience. Therefore, you have no incentive to rush things or seek a divorce too quickly. Since you told him that you can be patient and take your time, then he is more likely to want to see you more. And when this happens, you can begin to rebuild and reinvigorate your relationship so that both of you are more confident and secure in your feelings. Yes, this is a gradual process. But it also offers you the greatest chance of success.
And frankly, it’s often in your best interest if your husband doesn’t come home while you’re still confused. Because if she does, it is more likely that she will eventually leave again with more conviction that she wants a divorce next time. So it’s best to be patient and keep him safe and committed when the time comes for him to come home and work on the marriage.
