Many women who are victims of marital infidelity find that one of the most difficult things to deal with is the recurring mental images of their spouse and their lover. It can often feel like a horror movie. In this article, we’ll take a look at the steps that will help you get through an affair and the mental images that may be haunting you.

Many women who suffer from this have not even seen or have any idea what the other woman is like, but the mental images of the affair are still prevalent. Images of what she and her husband were doing together, often without knowledge or details of what really happened. It’s common that despite her best efforts, they just seem unable to turn them off. Based on the fact that you’re reading this, maybe you can relate.

If this is indeed happening to you and you just feel like maybe you’ve “lost your mind,” take comfort in the fact that you’re not going crazy. As human beings, we often run “slide shows” or movies in our minds. We do this for all sorts of reasons; remember past events, anticipate what may happen in the future, and make sense of the reality we are dealing with in the present moment. However, just because this is normal doesn’t necessarily mean it’s healthy.

The problem with mental images after discovering an affair is that you respond emotionally to them as if they were real. Every time these images flash through your mind, it’s like you’re reliving the pain and trauma you experienced when you found out about the affair in the first place.

This makes it more difficult to heal from the pain and rebuild your marriage.

So let’s turn our attention to what you need to do to get rid of them. First, there are a few realizations you have to come to terms with:

· The images are not real. Even if she was unlucky enough to catch them in the act, the mental images she is experiencing now are still in his head. They are not real.

· Your mind is your territory and no one can control what goes into it. Only you can do that and in fact you are in charge of it.

Of course, these points may seem like obvious statements, but in order to address the mental images you’re experiencing from the adventure, it’s important to acknowledge these facts first.

Before I show you the steps to stop these images, I have to ask you what may seem like an absurd question… are you sure you want them to stop?

This question may seem strange to you, but in many cases a woman who has been cheated on will cling to these images as justification for feeling the pain of the affair. That by holding on to them and repeatedly checking them, she has a right to feel the way they do. You have to ask yourself if you fall into that category. If you feel like you can, you have to figure this out before moving forward.

Once you feel like you’re ready to get over an affair and stop the mental images, here’s what to do next (you’ll want to find a quiet place to do it):

1. Calm your mind

Close your eyes and take a few slow, deep breaths. Allow your mind to relax and unwind. Feel the tension leaving your body with each exhalation. Feel your body begin to completely relax. Later, I will share with you a resource that includes some breathing techniques that will help you with this step.

2. Bring the image to mind

When you are ready, bring up a mental picture of the issue you have been struggling with in your mind. Imagine it in as much detail as you can. Take some time to see the vision fully. It can be painful to do this, but facing this pain is the first step to freeing yourself from it and finally getting rid of it for good.

3. Change or alter the image

Once you have the image in your mind in great detail, try to manipulate it. Imagine it as being on a DVD and see if you can play the image backwards. Ask yourself if doing this simple mental exercise helped you feel better. If so, do it several more times. Even imagine it going back faster until it gets a bit blurry.

Take a break from your exercise and open your eyes. Evaluate the effects this rewind exercise had on you emotionally.

Next, try to manipulate the size and shape of the objects in your mental images of the matter. In your image, you may see a lamp on a nightstand, or a dresser. Choose an element and mentally enlarge or reduce it. Change its shape. You can even change its color if you wish. See what change you make to the object that makes you feel better.

Repeat this process with any sound that may be present in your image. If there is music, turn it off. If you listen to people talk, maybe you can turn their voices into cartoon characters. You can even decide to view your images from a different camera angle or perspective.

When you first read this, it might sound a bit silly to you. But what this exercise does is accomplish two very important things for you.

First, it gives you tangible evidence that these images are happening in your brain and are not real. That you actually control them.

Second, exercise lessens the emotional impact of the images. By changing the image, you develop new ways of thinking that are potentially less painful than the ones you’ve been experiencing, and might even give you a new resource for handling the situation.