Grandparents have a very special role to play in the parenting equation and can be extraordinarily helpful, but they can also put parents in the position of feeling a bit like middle management with all the problems that can bring. So how do you make sure you and your kids get all the good things grandparents can bring into your lives while minimizing the hardships they can also bring into the parenting mix?
Grandparents have the benefit of the wisdom they have gained through long years of experience and many of the seemingly bigger problems they face as new parents will have a simple solution for a grandparent who has seen the problem before. Being able to turn to grandparents as a first port of call when faced with a problem can be extremely helpful and comforting.
Many parents also lead extremely busy lives these days, and often both parents will be working and having their own careers. Being able to call on grandparents to help with many of the practical day-to-day problems this raises can also be extremely valuable.
Most of the problems that arise are because grandparents can find it hard to accept that their job as a parent is essentially done and that, having educated you and put you on the right path, now is the time to take a step back. and let you get on with your own life. Of course, they are still your parents and they will love you as they always have and will always be there for you if you need them, but their role now is to take a backseat and intervene when and only when you ask. your help For many grandparents this presents more than a little difficulty.
In some cases, dealing with ‘nosy’ grandparents isn’t too difficult and all it takes is sitting quietly with them and having a word ‘diplomatic’ in their ear. At other times, however, the temptation for them to interfere is simply too strong and no matter how many diplomatic words you have with them, you just can’t stop them from doing their bit and giving you a hand.
In the latter case, it’s often a good idea to take a moment to examine the situation carefully before you get too flustered.
In the vast majority of cases, grandparents simply want what’s best for their grandchildren, and while it’s often a quite natural reaction to see their advice as interference, more often than not, if you stop to think about it, you’ll find that his advice has some merit, if not considerable.
It’s also quite natural that her annoyance at his interference overwhelms her normal sense of objectivity. As a result, minor and inconsequential problems can quickly take on an importance they simply don’t deserve.
Grandparents are people in their own right with their own thoughts, views, opinions, and desires, and while these may not always coincide with yours, they must be respected. When grandparents want to do something you’d rather they didn’t do, take a moment to consider whether it’s really going to do any harm or if it’s something you honestly trust a lot. If it’s something you wouldn’t have done yourself but nonetheless won’t cause any harm or cause any trouble, is it really worth worrying about?
Even in cases where you think the grandparents’ actions may cause a problem, it’s usually possible to find a compromise that everyone is happy with. Suppose, for example, that you want to give your son a bicycle for his birthday, but you feel that he is still too young. Instead of just rejecting this idea, the secret is to steer them in another direction. In this case, you can suggest that what your child really needs is an activity center that he has seen that will not only provide him with endless hours of fun, but also help him develop his reading skills. Simply planting this idea in their minds and leaving them the option of buying their child a bike at a later date is probably enough.
From time to time you may run into problems that initial probing indicates will not be so easy to resolve. When this happens, the solution happens, as with most of life’s problems, in finding common ground and this is easy when it comes to disagreements between parents and grandparents. Regardless of any individual issues you may have or differences of opinion, you will both have the grandchildren’s best interests at heart. As long as both parties remember this fact, it’s usually pretty easy to resolve most issues.
