You know, I don’t get the point of movie ratings anymore. These days, anyone with a cable connection or a satellite dish can tune in to uncensored clothing, sex, murder, rape, and professional wrestling. And yet, movies like The Matrix are rated R for “sci-fi violence and brief language”?
Hey?
In The Matrix, people in a fake world are shot and killed, yes, so it’s rated R. Okay, okay, but in the Jurassic Park movies there are T-rex dinosaurs that bite people and bite them. split in half. However, the entire series is only rated PG-13 for “intense sci-fi horror.”
What is the difference?
I don’t know about you, but if I were to die one way or another, I’d rather let Keanu Reeves pepper me with bullets or Mr. Smith rip my skin off than be chewed up by a 30-foot monster with 16,000 teeth. like a slab of wet bacon.
And I mean “wet” bacon because no amount of diapering or bladder control therapy is going to stop the inevitable potty break that is going to proceed to a T-rex chew. I mean, come on, if you get shot, boom, it’s over, don’t worry, but no one eaten by a dinosaur died with their panties dry, I’m sure of that.
The point is that there is no consistency in movie ratings anymore. Does anyone really pay attention to them these days? Is there something about an R-rated movie that isn’t shown on most TV networks yet?
I mean, when Disney puts out movies like “Pirates of the Caribbean” where the “good guys” are thieving, murderous pirates, does it really make sense anymore?
What I really don’t understand, and never have, is why people get nervous if kids are allowed to see a bit of nudity or sex in a movie and yet no one cares in the least about it. let them see something murderous psychopath kills people with a smile on his face.
Hello! Sex is normal, natural, and it will happen in every person’s life. Murder is horrible, despicable, should be avoided, never done, and never acceptable.
Not that I’m saying kids watch sex, but why is acting like a killer no big deal by comparison?
Seriously, next time you see an R-rated movie being edited for TV, look at what actually got cut. They will remove the nudity, but they will leave it where the bodies litter the floor surrounded by pools of blood.
So what are we trying to tell our children with this? It’s okay to slit your neighbor’s throat just to see how many times her blood spurts before she dies, but you better not get caught staring at your wife the next time she sunbathes naked in the backyard.
There are a couple of other things that I find ridiculous. For example, have you ever seen television go ahead and show naked people other than “blurring” the inappropriate parts?
The first time I saw “Under Siege” on TV, they cut out the whole scene where the Playboy girl climbs out of the cake. The last time I saw it on TV, they showed her jumping and dancing naked, apart from the fact that they “uncovered” her breasts.
Gee, like you couldn’t tell she was naked and doing a stripper dance.
Now, you may be wondering why I watched “Under Siege” a second time in the first place, but that’s not the point here.
That movie is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. They won’t show Playmate’s boobs, but you can see everyone shot and Tommy Lee Jones with a knife to his face.
Tell me this, if it were real, would you rather see your son’s boobs or have an eight inch knife open someone’s nostrils?
It’s not too hard to figure that out, is it? So why are we opposites in film editing? Hmm?
One more thing I don’t understand, on TV shows that document murder cases like “Forensic Files”, they start each show with a disclaimer that goes something like this:
“This show recreates crime scenes that some viewers may find disturbing.”
Hello! Everyone better find the murder scenes disturbing! Come on! What the hell are you thinking?!
So here is my suggestion to make movie ratings more useful. Forget worrying about violent or sexual content, everyone has it anyway, start rating movies based on level of stupidity. That way we’ll all know how late we need to act for the next two hours in order to enjoy whatever movie we choose to watch.
Doesn’t that make more sense? I mean, isn’t that really what movies are going for these days? And why yes, I have a suggestion for a new movie rating system. Thanks for asking.
F-Fantasticlike “The Matrix” where of course it’s not real, but at least it makes sense when you’re engrossed in it.
FS – Fantastically stupidLike “Indiana Jones” where nukes don’t destroy a refrigerator, but who cares because it’s entertaining.
B-blondelike “Legally Blonde,” where as long as you’re willing to accept that, yes, people really can be that stupid, it’s still nice to watch as long as you do some nuclear physics reading afterwards to get your wits back.
M – Jerklike “Journey to the Center of the Earth” where if you’ve passed even second grade science, you can find fault with the entire premise of the movie.
and
BVD – Best Seen Drunklike “Dogma”, “Blades Of Glory” or “Friday The Thirteenth, numbers 1 to infinity”, where drunkenness is a requirement to get any kind of enjoyment and it’s better if you can’t remember it at all when it’s over anyway .
Now wouldn’t that be more relevant?
