I only wanted one
In the late 1980s, I was stationed in Germany. On my second weekend in Germany, my squadmates invited me to join them in what would become one of my favorite events: attending wine festivals. During wine parties, you wear a cord around your neck that holds a glass slightly larger than a shot glass.
As the winemakers’ floats passed by, you held your glass and were served a sample of their wine. If you weren’t careful, you could be quite drunk by the end of the festival. Eventually, I got hungry and saw festival goers eating what looked like steak sandwiches.
True to my Nebraska heritage, back then I never passed up an opportunity for a good steak sandwich. Although my only German at the time was “Sprechen sie English?” I found the stall where they sold the sandwiches. The queue was long, but no more than a 15 minute wait.
A good sign, I thought the sandwiches must be really good. Having my fingers to point to what I wanted and a pocket full of marks I felt more than ready to get my steak. I entered the queue. When it was my turn to order, I pointed to the sandwich and held up my index finger.
The vendor nodded and to my surprise came back with two sandwiches, not one as I expected. Oh, you must be wrong, and I raised my index finger again this time with more emphasis so that he would know that I only want one. Instead, the clerk pointed to the two sandwiches and motioned for me to pay.
I’m not going to pay for two sandwiches, I thought. To no avail, the vendor and I went back and forth with his and my index finger laying out the two sandwiches. As the queue started to grow behind me, I realized it wasn’t worth being the ugly American, so I reluctantly paid for two sandwiches.
I paid for what I learned with my first disappointing bite which was not beef but schwenkbraten (pork fillet) which is not one of my favorite meats. I shared the incident with my squad mates but all I got was sympathy with no reasonable explanation.
It wasn’t until several years later that I found out what happened. The index finger in German means two, giving the thumbs up always means one. The extra finger lift is added to the thumb even though the thumb is not raised. Issue resolved I received exactly what I ordered.
Accept our differences within the blended family
As step-parents, when we join our blended families, we quickly learn that they have different ways of doing things than we are used to. The differences can be ethnic, cultural or even religious.
If you are new to your blended family, don’t go in trying to change things even if your way is more correct, efficient, etc. Unless it’s illegal or life-threatening, don’t mess with it just yet.
In the Air Force we used to say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” His family’s way of doing things is just his way. Look for understanding and acceptance of new ways of doing things instead of looking to change things. Wait six months to a year before trying to implement changes, and whatever you do, make sure you have the support of your partner.
We all have our differences, whether it’s something small like the number of fingers we use to indicate two or something big like what church your family attends. Accepting the differences in your blended family is a big step toward gaining acceptance as a stepparent.
