A boy saying he is gay is equivalent to a teenage daughter saying she is pregnant or a son saying he has gotten a girl pregnant. The parents’ first reaction is usually surprise, but surprise is not a problem. I remember the day I had to call my father to tell him that I wrecked his car. He drove to the scene of the accident, cursed at me and drove away, that was a shock. After ten minutes, he came back on the scene, hugged me and told me that he was glad he didn’t hurt me badly, that was love. If you tell your parents you’re gay, they may be surprised, but that doesn’t mean they’ll reject you. This shock could be over in minutes, hours, days, or even weeks, but eventually we get over it and move on.

The above example is not what I would like to discuss. Sometimes parents are shocked to learn that you are gay, and then the shock turns to disgust, anger, rejection, or even hatred. Unfortunately, research suggests that about 50% of parents of gay children reject them. That’s 50% in the so-called more tolerant societies in places like Europe, America, Australia and South Africa. That means that 50% of our gay children are being rejected by their own parents and some researchers suggest that half of them are being banned from their own homes. That shows that this is not an issue to be taken lightly, it is a real problem. Society should help us in this unfair situation, but here I can only offer advice.

1. Nothing causes you more pain than being rejected by someone you love. Every adult knows what it feels like to have your heart broken by a boyfriend or girlfriend, and yet nothing can compare to the pain of being rejected by your own mother, father, or both. Like other forms of rejection, this one also improves. Unfortunately, time is the only medicine for this pain and there is no way to shorten the time it will take.
2. What you need are friends who know how you feel, and the ones who went through the same pain are the ones who really understand. Let them be your family instead of the family that should have supported you. Having a support group is one of the best ways to deal with any type of pain or trauma.
3. Just because your parents reject you doesn’t mean your whole family rejects you. You may be surprised by those who accept you; it’s often the person you least expect to understand. I know many gay people who were supported by brothers, sisters, grandparents, cousins, or uncles instead of their parents. In some cases, these other family members were the ones who persuaded the parents that they were wrong. Somewhere in your family there will be at least one person who is not blinded by outdated ideas.
4. In most of the areas within the tolerant societies I mentioned earlier, there are gay community centers that can help you with information, support, programs, and the names of people who know what you’re going through. If there is no such center near you, there will always be Google. There are many websites available online that can help or advise you on support groups in your area. Obviously there are those who charge money for this service, but many of us do not.
5. Remember to adhere to safe online practices. Everyone who gives you a helping hand is not necessarily interested in your well-being. There are as many predators in the gay world as there are in the straight world. Be careful if you get the idea that the person is more interested in your body than your heart. Be especially careful if the helper you meet suggests that you go to conversion therapy. That’s a kind of therapy that will leave you shattered, but it won’t change who you are on the inside. Don’t take my word for it; read what the authoritative bodies of psychologists around the world have to say about it.
6. Do not write to your parents, relatives or friends who rejected you. Over time, some of them will change their minds and you don’t want to miss out on them by completely ignoring them. On the other hand, you do not have to subject yourself to permanent and continuous abuse. Keep your distance until you are strong enough to take that kind of abuse. Believe me, there will come a time when you will just smile and shake your head.

Regardless of what other people may say, there are many churches, organizations, and groups that will respect you for who you are. Not all religious people are homophobic and not all straight people are narrow-minded. There are more than enough of them who really understand.