The Cultural Revolution that began in the 20th century has gradually undermined the survival of the family as a unit. Families are torn apart by divorce, death, or abandonment. A balanced family environment, essential for the normal development of children, is threatened. Modern society views marriage with bitter cynicism and increases its instability. In such an environment, “blended families” or “passing families” have the onerous responsibility of keeping their new families functioning.

“Combined family” is a term that has probably been used for the last fifty years. The death or divorce of one of the spouses may lead the surviving spouse to remarry. Sometimes both spouses may have been married before and have children of their own. When two of those families merge, the number of people living under the same roof increases. This has the potential to create tension and conflict. The stepfather is considered an outsider due to preconceptions fueled by the “stepfather myth.” When the situation is not handled diplomatically and patiently, the failure rate will increase. When children are teenagers or teenagers, the problem becomes even more difficult.

Therefore, strong marital ties are important.

• Parents must understand that their thing is “parenting”, regardless of which spouse has children biologically. They must present a united front at all times, especially when it comes to discipline. There should be no difference between “my children” or “your children” since they are now “our children”. Children quickly pick up on partiality.

• Differences or disputes between the spouses should never take place in the presence of the children, because they will do everything possible to sow discord between the parents in the hope of driving away the intruder. Being together will send a message that the relationship is forever. The sooner they realize this, the faster the mix will be.

• There should be rules and limits set for children. Consistency in the application of discipline is important. However, you should not resort to threats, ultimatums or corporal punishment.

• Building trust is important. Children must be sure that the newcomer will not replace the biological father. Many young children suffer feelings of guilt, fearing that they were instrumental in breaking up their biological parents’ marriage. They are suffering and are still waiting for reconciliation. These children will resist the intruder as best they can. Only patience and love on the part of the stepfather can change this situation.

• Communication between family members helps relationships grow. This is not going to happen overnight. Some say it can take up to seven years for the blended family to fully integrate. The best way is to be available to the children and get involved in their various activities. Family time should be all inclusive. No one should feel left out. Verbal expressions of praise and affection will go a long way. Children express their frustration by acting cheeky or arguing. There’s no point indulging in a slingshot with them. However, specific misconduct should not be tolerated. The punishment must come shortly after the offense. The goal of punishment is not to vent one’s anger, but to correct wrong behavior. It must be proportionate to the age of the child and the seriousness of the crime. Retaining privileges like watching television, using cell phones, playing with friends are enough deterrents.

Forgiveness should be quick and there should be no recycling of the same incident when angry.

• The father of the intact family must not tolerate disrespect towards his partner and must promptly correct such behavior on the part of his children.

• Parents should ensure that they have private time together without being disturbed by children, so that they can strengthen their own relationship. Going out together to see a movie, dinner, or even a long walk will increase the bond.

• One should be careful around grandparents or relatives whose influence could be divisive and detrimental to family ties.

Needs of children from mixed families:

– They must feel loved and accepted.

– They need security and protection. Children of mixed families should not be afraid of being replaced by the affection of their biological parents.

– Your problems and needs should be approached with sympathy. Children who are grieving the loss of their parents should be given enough time to grieve their loss.

– They must be given access to the parent from whom they have separated. Derogatory remarks about the absent parent should not be made in their presence.

– Children need a patient and attentive ear.

Young children under the age of ten generally accept the situation after a while and adjust easily. Teens are more resistant to the intruder and can be rude and insensitive. They are reluctant to submit to discipline and may even instigate their younger siblings to rebel. Teens become indifferent and uncommunicative, often provoking the new parent by saying “You have no legal rights to me.”

Stepmothers have more difficulties than stepfathers. Children accept stepparents better than stepmothers. Girls may feel uncomfortable and suspicious about them. They can make false accusations of sexual abuse, with the intention of turning one parent against the other.

Shared parenting:

Before separation, divorce, or remarriage, children must be prepared for what will happen. Your questions must be answered honestly and your fears must be allayed. Whenever possible, they should meet new members and get to know them.

In divorce or separation cases, one parent may have physical custody of the child, while the other parent only has visitation rights. The estranged parents should not speak ill of each other in the presence of their children. They should not stop visiting, but should strive to make each visit enjoyable so that it is something the children look forward to. Biological parents must make joint decisions, taking into account the best interests of their children. Sharing information about their lives and activities or problems about their health or behavior will reassure children of their concern.

Mixed families demand teamwork. Success depends on the time, energy, and goodwill put into them. Not all mixed families are dysfunctional. Nor can adoptive families be blamed for all criminal behavior. This can also happen in intact families.

The ‘witch’ as ​​stepmother is a pseudo label to be forgotten.

There is a world of truth to the saying that “a family that prays together stays together.”

Godly parents can be good role models.

“Be patient, humble and meek, bearing with one another in love,” exhorts the Bible. It could be the formula for success for mixed families.