Take life into your own hands

Look around. Do you see? I don’t mean literally but figuratively. What is missing from your life right now? What would make your life complete? Leaving aside the restrictions of the current pandemic, do you think of something you’ve wanted that hasn’t happened yet? There is a mistaken belief that when we get what we want, we will be happy. Experience has taught me that longing for something missing in my life rarely makes it better. There must be a deeper desire to change our circumstances, aligned with our core values.

If we want things to change, it must start with us. Sometimes it can stem from frustration with the way things are or realizing something is missing. For example, if we feel lonely, we may want to be in an intimate relationship to compensate for our loneliness. But are we making the right decision or are we trying to fill a gap that can be achieved in another way? For example, we can pursue a hobby or lend our support by volunteering with a charity, where we find deeper meaning and purpose. Here, we may or may not attract a relationship because that is not our main goal. Our intention is to relieve our loneliness and be surrounded by like-minded people.

For example, think about trying to fix a problem that didn’t go as planned. Did you consider alternative solutions or fixate on a particular result? What I am trying to say is: we must keep an open mind and explore other possibilities, if we want to change our life. Lamenting the way things are without taking action is a recipe for disappointment. It requires taking life into our own hands and looking for solutions. We may not know which result is the best until we test it on the road. So trying to heal our loneliness through a relationship comes with its problems. Similarly, giving our time through volunteer work also has problems, but the benefits are greater.

Align with your core values

Unfortunately, life is not as well organized as we would like and there are benefits to this, which we may not appreciate. But, if we consider our actions as possible learning experiences, we can neither win nor lose. In which case, we take an optimistic outlook when a situation does not develop as expected. Are you happy with this idea, that it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you’re learning important lessons and not punishing yourself? Life can be an imperfect school, where every experience is a springboard to further growth and expansion. We should not see our experiences as winning or losing because that puts pressure on us to succeed. And as you know, success is the byproduct of repeated failure and loss.

I relate to this because in my 20s and 30s I made a lot of mistakes and thought I was cursed or doomed. But looking back, I can see how those experiences had to happen, as I gained the wisdom and knowledge not to repeat them. So whatever is missing in your life, consider three alternative solutions. Don’t be too quick to jump to the first one that comes to mind. Take some time to try it out, like ideas on paper or by checking with friends and family. You may not take any action because sometimes doing nothing can be a blessing in disguise. I encourage you to write your thoughts in a journal before committing to a particular path.

To improve our circumstances, we must not believe that life will do it for us. It requires a strong desire, aligned with our core values ​​and exploring various options. Even then, there is no guarantee that we have made the right decision, since life offers no guarantees. So, be curious about the process and see your decisions as puzzle pieces coming together. It requires being patient, curious and not fixated on a particular result. We must keep an open mind and a tender heart, so that life can bring us what we need at the right time.